Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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