i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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