Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
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Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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