Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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