I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize