i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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