Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i wish my penis had a tongue
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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