He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
