Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I am one with the molecules
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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