I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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