You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
