I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
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