bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
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I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
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But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
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