I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
