just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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