Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
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i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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