you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
