Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize