ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
