just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
