i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
