i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
