PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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