In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
