he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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