now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
