Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
