When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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