Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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