me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
