i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
