hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
