There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
