dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i wish my penis had a tongue
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
