I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
