literally had 100 drinks last night.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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