I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
