Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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