I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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