Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
