i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
