A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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