My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
