next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
