Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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