I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
