Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
