Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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