Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
