you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
