I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize