I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
