i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
NoShamevember. You game?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
