You're so nebulous sometimes
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
