I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
