fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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