As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Is Oprah even human
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
