Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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