I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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