Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
