4 words: hood of his car
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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