Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
