Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
