if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
