She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
