I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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