He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize