yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize