Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
