how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
