Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
