anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
