The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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