I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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