Reggie can tackle my bush.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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