So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
