I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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