$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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