Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
