Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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