I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
